Depression

Things at home have taken a 180 degree turn..my mom is suffering from depression. It happened so quickly, just over the weekend she just changed from a calm confident lady to someone whoes nervous...sad...negative...

I honestly dont know what to do..everytime i see her talking to herself..crying..sighing loudly..suddenly wailing..makes my heart ache..break and even shatter..i want to help but i cant..i only can give her comforting hugs..words of encouragement...but i want to do more..people say its a mental illness...i guess it is.."time will heal" i hope it will..
Sometimes she would be normal..like her old self..but suddenly she would breakdown all over again and start talking to herself...hands shaking...her whole body shaking......even while typing this my hands are shaking..please please make her better...i hate seeing her like this...im glad my father is with her all the way 150%...if he wasnt around i think i would just crumble under this circumstance...

i thought i could handle this u know..but after getting back from camp today..and seeing my mom in a state worst than before..im starting to doubt myself..give me the strength to help her through this...please..please..........
feeling so lost..........

Am I still a boy or have I become a "man" ?

Wow, last post in Feb, time sure flies. I've gone though a drastic change in my life, yes I have entered NS, something which my father went though and something which countless other Singapore "men" have gone through too. What you may ask would be this drastic little thing that changed my life.

Well, firstly, being torn from your comfortable home, being thrown into an island with a thousand other hormonaly charged males and with chlorinated water which makes u cough like some mad ass. You miss your friends, you miss ur freedome, little things like sleeping at 3am and waking up anytime u want...you cant do anymore. Having a snack from the fridge whenever u feel hungry, or even just picking up a phone and calling someone when u feel bored. But, most importantly u miss your family.

Call me pussy but during my first few weeks, the people I missed the most, were not my close friends, were not people from the opposite sex, but wow kick me in the butt, they were my family. Almost everysecond i think of them, what they were doing, were they thinking of me too?
You realise the people who care for you the most will be no one other than your family. Yeh you may say you talk to you friends more..you feel close to your friends, you go out all the time..but when it comes down to say..life and death ..you get the drift.

I can finally say this.."1 more week to POP" (pop = passing out parade) no, you dont pass out as in blackout, you pass out and become a private not some lowly recruit which people boss around all the time, well a private may not be much of a difference but hey at least they get some respect.

Sigh, 14 weeks...passing by in the blink of an eye, made many friends, some good some bad, I dont feel much different from before I enlisted, maybe fitter. But, wow when I wear the green uniform and go walking in Pasir Ris MRT I feel proud to be a soldier, I feel proud that I am serving this small little island. No shit man.

I tend to have a different perspective on society now, hmm...after doing "Chiong Sua" ( chiong sua = go into jungle run like monkey, jump like monkey, crawl like monkey, shout like monkey, sleep, shit, pee like monkey), after waking up at 0530 everyday, not seeing a girl for 5 consecutive days, always looking forward to any SMS at 2130 and bathing with a dozen other naked guys in the same toilet. You tend to look at things differently trust me.

The freedome I had as a civilian, I will never have it again ..maybe for the next 21months..and that is something I have learnt to cherish. Whenever I bookout (bookout=GO HOME LOH) which most of the time last for close to a little more than 24 hours, I head down to orchard and take a little walk. I look at the people there, the young punks, the school kids, the skater boys, chio bus, girls, ladies. Ermm , yes, and I wonder, do they know how lucky they are? Do they know a whole bunch of guys out there are going through shit just to protect their asses, do they appreciate what is being done?

I have to admit, I was in the "young punk" category, going out everynight..driving down to sentosa, eastcoast, orchard, staying out till 5am waking up at 3pm, not even thinking about NS , I guess you have to go though it to appreciate the magnitude of the shit people have to go through.

Hell, even the training i receive is peanuts, its so called easy, imagine what those commandos have to go though, i dont even want to think about it.

Ah well, think I've said enough, just needed to let some things out of my system, army..sigh.
Oh and have I become a MAN? Honestly, I have no idea, what do you define as a man? someone who is able to take care of a family? be financialy independent? someone who is 21 and above? Honestly i dont know, how do u classify a MAN? I'll just play safe and say im still a boy not yet a man.

Oh and I lost 9kg. :)
(from 77 to 68) ;P

10 useful driving tips

Ok...after driving around like a fool for 6 months or so on the congested roads of singapore I guess Ive learnt some stuff which may be useful to those newbie drivers out there, ppl who are still learning or ppl who just passed...

this 10 tips do not follow any specific importance ..im juz typing down wad comes to my mind

1. Do not drive if your sleepy
Y so? Well when ur sleepy..ur body reaction time slows down...and since u lack experience ur instinct at avoiding hazards arent there yet..so best not to drive sleepy...if you really dont have a choice blast some music thorugh ur car stereo or have some kids making loads of noise in the car..

2. Always CHECK your SIDE mirrors and REAR view mirros.
Y so? WEll first of all...u should be well aware of ur surroundings..cars behind..cars infront..cars at the sides..even if the road is REALLY empty..aka. ur driving around at 4am in the morning...a car travelling at 140km/h may be racing down the right lane..and when u want to filter to that lane u dont see it coming until its a little too late...
Also..keep an eye on the ppl sitting at the back of ur car sit..EG. some bitchkid may be fooling around acting all pro and cool...opening ur car back door while ur driving thinking its so cool and fun..believe me ive experienced it

3. Ensure all passengers wear their seat belts
Y so? Wahhhh...u know those cool movie actors/actresses dont wear seat belts when their driving or when their sitting in the car....dam american movies...they dont even pull up their handbreak at times when they park..
Well for one thing..u get demerit points if u ever get stopped by the traffic police..or mata as i affectionately call them..YES demerit points for not ensuring ur passengers wear seat belts..
And duh the most logical explanation..if u ever have to jam break at 80km/h ur passengers wont be flying head first like superman out of ur front windscreen costing u a few hundred bucks in repairs and also maybe ur passenger's life (touch wood).

4. ALWAYS check ur blind spot
Y so? Ohh...my parents dont check it..ohh my uncle who has been driving for 20 years dosent check it...
SO???? They probably got enough experience to know wads coming and going...u dont..and note the word...PROBABLY. Had a few very close shaves ..but thank god i checked the blindspot if not i probably racked up a few thousand dollars worth of repair bills.

1st most common example.
Travelling on right lane at 110km/h..want to filter to middle lane...motorcycle travelling at 130km/h comes zooming like speedy gonzales with gf sitting as pillon ..bf probably thinking hes giving her the time of her life going so fast...zooms in frm behind also in the right lane..overtaking u also in the right lane..earlier on u signaled left and was planning to filter left to middle lane but couldnt see speedy gonzales because hes in the blind spot and u cant see him frm side view mirror...u chk blind spot..u see this bitch traveling at the side of ur car ..and u go WTF and quickly turn ur steering wheel right so as to give him space..TAKE NOTE all these are happening in the same LANE.

2nd most common example
Ur planning to filter to another lane...yet car frm behind is also filtering into that same lane..eg..ur in right lane going to middle..car is in left lane going into middle lane too ..his behind u and u have the right away since ur infront of him filtering ..yet he dosent give way and continues probably because he dosent see u..u check blindspot and see this jolly fellow..u swereve back to ur lane ..ahh..blind spot

5. Where possible..never drive behind a taxi especially on the left lane
Y so? Taxis have this nast habit of stopping ever so suddenly to pick up passengers..they can forget to signal or even forget to check whether theres any car behind..where possbile...keep ur distance frm taxis because their driving can be kinda erratic..

6. Keep your cool
Y so? Yes driving in singapore can be really stressful...if u ever get lost...dont panic..singapore is a small place u will find ur way eventually...never lose ur temper and start banging on the steering wheel..u lose ur concentration and accidents HAPPEN. If u meet some assholic driver..poining the middle finger at u..or constantly beeping u frm behind...ignore him..juz think to urself he will get into an accident sooner or later ..and start grinning to urself...hohohoh...
Also..being behind a wheel of a powerful machine like a car..u feel powerful..things tend to go out of control when ur angry and u should guess what could happen

7. NEVER assume OTHER drivers are aware of your presence
Y so? Try to drive in such a way that u dont affect anyone else on the road..its kinda hard but try. Eg. while filtering lanes try not to filter in such away that u cause another driver to slow down..sometimes ppl dont see u as they are..1. picking their nose.2. thinking of wad to do in bed when they get home 3. Smsing 4. Talking on the phone 5. changing tracks on the car stereo. 6. eating
Also..when turning out frm minor road..never assume the incoming vehicle will slow down for u..some may be dam blur and not notice u until its too late...anyway u should estimate it in such a way that they dont have to slow down for u..ur not suppose to cause other cars to slow down for u in this kinda situation anyway.

8. DONT SPEED
Y so? Singapore roads are becoming worst with all these traffic police mobile speed check point nonsense going around...in addition to road hazards u have to keep a look out for all the speed cameras and shit..so y cause urself so much stress...juz dont speed..u have one less thing to look out for.

9. NEVER let ur friends or passengers influence the way u drive.
Y so? WEll..some of the ppl in ur car may go...go faster lar..go faster lar...no need check blindspot lar...can go can go...y u not going yet the incoming car going so slowly...stuff like that. Firstly..most of the time most of them dont even have a driving license..so ask them to STFU. 2ndly i notice that ppl who juz passed and got their driving license..tend to comment on the driving skills of someone who also juz passed. Ignore them. Ive experienced this also..i was on both sides of the fence..the one giving hte comments while being hte passenger and the one who recieves the comments while driving. Its REALLY irritating being a driver and ppl commenting on ur driving ..and that pisses u off..

10. Try not to feel like u conquered the world after u passed
Y so? WEll...if u let ur ego get in ur way thinking ur ohhh so great after u get ur license u will see that license fly out of ur hand soon...If you think u have skill..thats great..but if u dont bang into someone..someone will bang into u...always be aware and maybe alittle scared...

Thats all im willing to type..there are a few other nonsense that maybe useful but what the hay..figure it out ..driving is all about experience.

Wow its 5.50am again


Third Eye Blind
Blinded

Just an old friend coming over

Now to visit you and

That's what I've become

I let myself in

Though I know I'm not supposed to but

I never know when I'm done

And I see you fogging up the mirror

Vapor around your body glistens in the shower

And I wanna stay right here

And go down on you for an hour

Or stay and let the day just fade away

In a wild dedication

Take the moment of hope

And let it run

Never look back

At all the damage we have done now

To each other

To each other

To each other

But when I see you

It's like I'm staring down the sun

And I'm blinded

There's nothing left to do

and still I see you

I never believe that things that they happen for a reason

And they never go as planned

I wanted to thank you for a vision that was lost that you returned

But you're past where you understand

Now her appetite is blown

Little else is known'cept she's a little angry

Grabs a towel, looks away

The heat fades with the day

And I fall down on what to say

oh something clean, let me be clever

Hey oh well, whatever

But that's not what I mean

Where we're been has left us burnt still

I wont turn now from a fight

You know I'll never win

So when I see you

you know all the things I've done

and I am blinded

Like I'm staring down the sun

When I see you

When I see you

When I see you

It's like I'm staring down the sun

Yeah!

(Hey! I'm Blinded!)

Time it passes and it tells us what we're left with

We become the things we do

Me, I'm a fool spent from defiance, yeah you got me but

I didn't give up on you

But the rest is not a t-shirt or a swan song, no

Heat is born again and

It's not easy being me

When I can't promise I will mend

Or bend when you believe

That we are fixed now from our birth

And I've just fallen back to earth

Still you know I'll try again

Cause I believe that we are lucky

We are golden

We have stolen manners in the days when we were one

So when I see you

In spite of all that we've become

I'm still blinded

But I'm still staring down the sun

When I see you

When I see you

When I see you

When I see you

Oh yeah

I'm still staring down the sun

Oh yeah

I'm still staring down the sun

Oh yeah

Well I'm still staring down the sun

I'm blinded When I see you

Lol ok if you put those words which i coloured together..it would read...you you you you we you blinded you you you you you you blinded you you you fool you give up you you we we we we you blinded you you you you blinded you. If u think about it...when ppl quarrel..the whole coversation can be summarised into those few words..although not even a complete or proper sentence..it kinda make sense..ahhh genius...

DOIH!

CHALET EPISODE II
Okay, its 5.50 am in the morning now and i was feeling bored, so.....ive decided to post some pictures from the "Chalet" session i had a few months back, ok..2 months back. I apologies for the lame sub headings for the pictures..my brain doesnt seem to be willing to be creative this morning.

gerrad acting "pro"

Bag'O'Chips

MJ again

The incredible stoning looking cool

WOW!! Dareks taking a picture of his handsome little face

Sexy

watery blue

mj=mahjong

Woot II

Woot

Thank God for sunrises

Nice view from Alvin's house, if u look close enough u can see Tangs..

Hoooohlaaaa, Darek seems to be fitting into the background nicely

"Chalet" Episode II

barker 

Acs 

Why the heck is there a small little red X down there arg.
OH well, im feeling kinda transformish lately, getting everything i can find on transformers. I remember back in primary school i borrowed the Transformers movie tape from my neighbour and watched it everyday until the tape decompossed, yes i loved it that much. Recent reports are rife that theres a movie in the making? But i doubt it, its probably held up due to copyright issues or maybe not even able to find a suitable director. If i had a choice, i probably would get the same guy who directed the first movie, if he is still alive that is. Just wanted to post somehting since my last post was like in..woh Sept.

I guess the biggest question in every transformers fan's mind is when the f*ck is the new movie gonna come out, next to where does optimus prime's ass dissapear to everytime he transforms. Its like the huge trailer just disspears in to thin air, thats got to be the most advanced technology at that point of time man..a whole trailer dissapearing and appearing in just a split second...amazing.

If i had a choice to become a so called "transformer" i think i would choose to be beetle(the car model not the insect).
Not a bad idea eh..its a chick car man, its a car for picking up chicks, not the new model..the old one..yeh chicks sit in u and u can like transform here and there to scare the living day lights outta them.
OK y the heck am i even talking about this..im soundy geekier than usual wtf haha